Albums to watch

The ADM Team prepare to investigate what is going on at the bottom of our chart

The week in ADM

Michael 'Aqua Man' Palmer plumbs the depths to swim with the bottom feeders on the ADM chart

Let's get this out the way right off the bat: Swans are still top of the chart. They're going to be top for a while. We're just going to have to come to terms with that. Their 8.5 seems unattainable at this point. That's ok though, right? Let's just push past it. There's still plenty going on in the depths of our chart.

Let's begin by going on a journey to these depths. Slap on the wet suit, strap in to the oxygen pack. Do the other stuff that you probably have to do before you go diving. Snorkels? Is that a thing? Do that. We're travelling down the chart. We begin by pushing past Swans, bobbing on the surface. We pass the 8s, down through the 7s. Next is the…oh wait, Swans bobbing on the surface! HA! That worked out great! Anyway, the journey. We pass the 7s, the high 6s, the low 6s. The pressure is getting pretty intense now, the light dimming. Life is getting more and more sparse. Let's keep going, deeper…

We swim by the 5s, still getting lower, the pressure still building. We meet Lily Allen at the 5.4 mark. The journey can't end here? Can we go further? Can our fragile human bodies take the strain? Wait. What's that? Is that something swimming beneath us? There it goes again! A strange being, it doesn't seem to need light to survive down here. Let's see if we can get a closer look…

The pressure is getting almost unbearable. Our oxygen is running low. We need to find this thing soon. How can anything even survive down here? Oh, there it is! I see it! Can you? It's right in front of us. It's Afrojack! The Dutch DJ has made his home waaaaaay down here at the depths of our chart, down in the 4.2 range. It's the 31st worst rated album in all of ADM history according to, um, oceanic science books. What is it foraging on down here? How can it survi--ach wait, that's too much now. I've gone over the line. Ok, let's drop the diving thing. Nobody likes the Afrojack album.

Elsewhere: Sharon Van Etten's latest gets an 8.0 and second spot on our chart, Oscar-nominated Owen Pallett charts with a respectable 7.5, The Roots get 7.0, Cherry Ghost gets 6.8, Mr. Scruff gets 6.3 and Coldplay still sit on 6.1.

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